We may just have to briefly suspend the normal operating rules of this blog. Since its creation in September of 2007, Bellringers has proudly been a No Whining blog. OK, so I’ll admit I’ve come mighty close a time or two, but I have always managed to back away from the precipice of Whine Central.
But today, well today, with one toe poised over the edge of the Whining Abyss, I think it’s time to just dive right into that whining pool, get it over with, dry myself off and move on. You see, this voting thing for “Best Blog This” and “Best Blog That” filled my head with those VIB thoughts again. (You know, those Very Important Blogger thoughts.)
Pathetic, I know. I’m such an easy mark.
People’s Exhibit #1-- I used to get excited when I would receive emails from Oprah. My heart would start jumping when I’d see in the subject line: “Carol, Oprah needs your help…” I’d think to myself, “Yep, me and the O are tight, practically sisters.”
That is, of course, until I remembered that I signed up for her newsletter, and that in some dank Chicago basement Hal the computer spews a gazillion of those emails to a gazillion email accounts “personalizing” each and every one.
Now, remember I’ve been honest about this before and have readily admitted that I do have an ego roughly the size of a barn, so you can see how easy it is for me to get carried away when I get nominated for something, anything. Hails Bails, I would get excited for being nominated the The-Non-Fat-Three-Raw Sugar-Latte-Guzzling-Queen.
So when my friend over at Scholastic Scribe tells me about a Best Education Blog nomination, what do I do? I do what any non-self-respecting blogger would do--I cajole friends, acquaintances, strangers and derelicts to vote for me.
Then, flushed with anticipation, I zip to check the vote count on whatever awards site is currently up. Clean my glasses. Re-check the vote count. Re-clean my glasses. Re-check the vote count. Sigh loudly. (OK, so it’s more like a harrumph). After a final re-check of votes, I finally come to terms with the very sad fact that my number barely hovers above the single digits.
Even sadder still, of course, is that of those votes, four come from my family.
But let’s go even a step further beyond the realm of more pathetic. Yep, you’ve probably guessed it by now. Since I have a 17 year old who can hate me on any given day, I hacked into her email and cast her vote for her. I figured at some point in her life she would want something from good ole Mom, find a warm fuzzy feeling for me and cast her ballot in the affirmative.
Yeah, pathetic I know.
On the I-Really-Am-Not-The-Most-Pathetic-Person-On-The-Planet side of all this, at least I resisted the temptation to open an email account for my dog Jack and have him vote for me. (And I don’t care what you say, just thinking about it doesn’t count.)
I know you’re probably feeling just a tad bit sorry for me about now and perhaps just a smidge tired of all this whining… Quite frankly I am too. I’m also pretty sure you’re wondering how in the Sam Hill any of this whining has to do with education. (Jeez Louise, work with me here. I’m getting to all of that.) So, my peeps, I decided that perhaps the best way to get out of this wallowing in self-pity thing was to put on my snazzy tiara and come up with a set up awards that perhaps someone like me (or maybe even you) could actually win…
So here it goes…
#5…The Oh-No-O Blogger Award… Goes to those bloggers (like me and Mr. Teacher) who believe Oprah will actually read their blog some day, “discover” them and invite them on her show and give them free stuff.
#4…The Have-Some-Whine-With-Your-Cheese-Award…Proudly goes to an educator who whines the best about stuff worthy of whining about. My personal favorite still would have to be Mimi’s post way back in September on “My Kingdom For A Parking Space.”
#3…The Blagojevich Blog Award…Handed out to those who, you know, attempt to control the outcome of things, but fail rather pathetically. (Kind of like that someone who hacked into her daughter’s email and cast that vote.)
#2…The Set-My-Hair-On-Fire Award… Given to those teachers who--when faced with insurmountable odds--may think about setting their hair on fire and run screaming from the building, but instead, reach into their Emergency Chocolate Drawer, clench their teeth, gain five pounds and defy all the Naysaying-Know-Nothing-Nincompoops. (I think Edna Lee would be a good candidate. I still love to read “What do you mean Billy fell off a cliff?”
And, drum-roll pah-leese… the Number 1 Blogger Award of All Time is…
#1…The Big-Fat-Stupid-Head Award…(Jeez Louise, you were expecting something different? And, no this does not stop the BFSH timer. Remember all rules were suspended for this particular post.) Now, I know some of you think you can win this award, but surely, on any given day, I’ve got this one pretty much covered.
I bet my vote count would soar into the triple digits, and I wouldn’t even need Jack’s vote.